Gratitude For Best/Worst Decision Of My Life

Ten years ago I would have told anyone who asked that I am doing fine and life is great. I had a house, a job that paid the bills and an expanding family. I was living a good life and everyone around me felt the same way. I did not know that the reality of my life was quite the opposite. I actually thought that my house was far less than what I should be able to afford. My job did not pay nearly enough for where I wanted to be in life. And as my family grew, the responsibilities that seemed to fall on my shoulders were overwhelming. I felt that I needed something different.

I decided that I had to change jobs. I wanted to make more money even if it meant less time with my family. That was the solution to all my problems. One year later, I would have said that this was the worst decision of my life. I started work in a high volume practice that just fueled my insecurities. I became resentful of my family responsibilities after along day at work. I was searching for validation in my life but was not getting it anywhere. I would start my work day filled with anxiety trying to perform on the level of the other practitioners. By the middle of the day, I would feel worthless and inadequate. By the end of the day I would usually feel angry that I was in this negative routine and carry this anger into my night at home. I sought relief in substances and my spiral began. It did not take long for me to find myself fired from my job and unsure if I even had a family anymore.

Now, ten years later, I realize that the decision to change jobs was the best decision I have made in my life. After losing that job, I was put into contact with the North Carolina Caring Dental Professionals and my recovery journey began. I needed help and I needed guidance as to how to live. What I received over the years was the discovery of who I actually was. I learned how to love myself and how to deal with my insecurities in a healthy way. I gained valuable relationships with fellow peers who were dealing with similar issues in their lives. I was able to help other people as I found confidence in who I am. I was able to forgive myself and others for past indiscretions and was able to be forgiven by the people in my life. For all of this, my heart is filled with gratitude.

Nothing has really changed in my daily life since the beginning of this story. I went back to the same job I started with, still live in the same house and am lucky to still have my family intact. However, my attitude toward life has completely changed. I am so grateful to have the house that I have, it is enough. I am grateful for my job, it is enough to pay the bills. I am grateful for my family and the time I get to spend with them, they are enough. And I am grateful for everyone that I have had contact with along my journey. I could not find this level of happiness alone and was too lost to even consider asking for help. The relationships, education and guidance that I have received through the NCCDP has been invaluable and I am forever grateful for it all.

— A Grateful Recovering Dentist —