Living, In Gratitude

The irony of being asked to write on “Gratitude” doesn’t escape me. For the first two years of my recovery, I was that guy in the room who rolled his eyes, visibly or not, when an old timer told us they were so grateful for the program that rescued them from the disease affecting their mind and body. Fresh from being pulled out of a dental practice by the CDP and sent to a rehab center, or three, I saw nothing in my life for which gratitude applied.

Bitterness was a better descriptive of my mental state but so became Desperation. As I passed through the first stages of sobriety, I came to realize how close I was to losing it all, including friends, family and career, and I was desperate not to. The pain of loss and fear of losing more motivated me to climb out of that dark hole, so I had no choice but to sit and listen to those old guys in the room and the new ones like me who were seeking a better life.

I found a man who agreed to be a Sponsor, and I listened to him. We worked the Steps, and my life began to get better. I found friendship and kinship in the Rooms for the first time. Most importantly, the CDP sent me to talk with a counselor whose practice promoted her experience in Relapse Prevention. I found her excellence to be in showing alcoholics and addicts like me how we created the chaos that became normal and teaching us how to move away from the continuous state of crisis and back to a productive life. It was true magic, but it was also real, and it began to work for me.

I’m proud to say that I’ve now been involved with a program of recovery and growth for over twenty years. I wish I could also say that I’ve never strayed but that isn’t truth. I have but was quickly accepted back to the CDP and back to the Fellowship and was never judged. I was welcomed back by my practice team who know my history and have always supported my drive to improve myself and those around me. Most importantly, I was supported and forgiven by my family, whose miraculous presence in my life would never have been possible without this program.

Today, I am the old guy who gives the gratitude talk. Without the support of this recovery community, which includes many of you, I would still be lost or possibly dead. It’s not hyperbole, it’s truth and for that, I am grateful!

— A Grateful Recovering Dentist —