How My Life Has Changed in Recovery

I have found the flow of life by taking one step at a time. I am most certainly in a place in my life where I am better able to deal with and cope with daily stresses of life.

Before sobriety I ran on cortisol and my body remained in a state of stress.  Alcohol stole essential sleep, and my brain didn’t get proper rest and repair.  I got a DUI and was introduced to life without alcohol and it helped me to realize that alcohol wasn’t healthy for me. I have a new perspective.

I can remember not knowing what life without alcohol could look like. It seemed like such a foreign concept that I could not imagine.  I had always known life with drink. I can remember feeling afraid.   I didn’t realize I was becoming reliant on alcohol, and as I drank more, my coping skills declined.

In recovery I am a healthier version of myself so I can handle everyday stress better physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am happier, more content and more confident in myself.  Since I put the drink down, I have developed life skills and skills to cope with life stress.

My life today is calm and grounded.  I set intentions for my day. I give thanks at the end of each day and experience gratitude throughout the day’s moments. I am present and trustworthy. I exercise, eat healthy, pray and meditate.  I prioritize time in nature alone.  I give of myself and strive to do what is right in every circumstance.  I live in reflection and a fair belief system.  I participate in community and am accountable to others.   I believe the healthy routines I have developed in recovery allow me to handle stress.  My demeanor is calm.  I don’t live in fear.  In recovery I get adequate rest so my body is better able to handle the physical stresses of life.  Recovery is emotional sobriety and spiritual connectivity.

I don’t have to check off a list of accomplishments to be able to say I did this or that because I don’t need to prove anything.  Today I am enough. Today I know my opinion matters and I am perfectly fine exactly where I am.  I do not have to prove anything to anyone. I have been freed of the bondage of self that used to have to prove myself worthy of others love and approval.  Being in this solid mental, physical and emotional state gives me the foundation to face life head on eyes wide open ready for whatever is next.  I remain in a present state clear of mind and free of guilt and shame.  I do not desire alcohol to alter my state or emotions.

I am better able to look at situations open minded and offer my service non-judgmentally without need for approval.  I don’t overextend myself either anymore.   I have learned how to set boundaries and say yes to a reasonable load and when to say no when I have enough on my plate.  I used to overdo it to prove to myself that I was enough.  I lived in a state of frantic chaos ever trying to prove I was good or I was enough because I just didn’t believe I was.  I had to put the drink down to finally realize my worth.  Since I put the drink down I have become right sized.  I understand humility and realize I am just not that important. The right sized perspective allows me to dial down my emotions and adjust my reactions appropriately.  I tend to react less to stimuli. 

A huge concept that helps me deal with life’s stresses is the understanding of impermanence.  Grasping this concept was a huge steppingstone in my recovery walk.  Prior to this understanding I lived in a state of extreme thinking- in always and never concepts. Today I wholeheartedly trust this too shall pass and that peace of mind is worth every struggle taken to get here.

People talk about balance and finding balance and striving to live in balance. Truth is before I put the drink down I had no idea what they were talking about. My life was a self-centered collage of anxiety-stricken ambitions rooted in a misguided core belief system. I had genuine intentions, but my belief system was so out of balance that even my best intentions were self-seeking. Today, in a recovery founded life, my intentions are genuine for peace and all sided on right. My motives and thoughts and therefore actions are pure and honest. Balance is obtainable.

The work of recovery cuts away ego like water cuts away rock.  I’m not exposing my brain to alcohol, so my brain is very clear.   I make secure and sound decisions.  Driving is not stressful, for example, I’m not worried about my speed limit or my ability to drive safely.  It’s so much more than putting down the drink.

I have made amends to the people I hurt.  And because I did something about the people I hurt, I can enjoy peaceful sobriety.   In recovery I realize my worth and also the value of those I love.   Inside we know this, but somehow, we can’t Let Go and Let God.  To let go takes faith that the outcome will be okay. When we have faith, we know our Higher Power believes in us and will guide us. When we have faith, we believe in ourselves.  When we let go, we let go of our need to always be right. Letting go first takes place on the inside. Letting go allows us to change how we view what’s happening. Often, all we really need is this change of attitude. This is the beauty of faith: it allows us to see the same thing in different Ways. Today I believe in God also means I believe in myself.

I have a friend who was drinking and she didn’t get help.   She also didn’t get a DUI.  Fate would have it that she ended up having a stroke as a direct result of excessive unhealthy drinking.  Today she can’t walk. She is bedridden with teenage children,  She didn’t see the warning signs so I share this with you to tell you that I feel so incredibly blessed to have the perspective that I have today.  I write today in hopes that this will not happen to you; that perhaps you will read this and realize alcohol is not healthy for you, before you get a DUI or stroke or worse.

In closing, I add that it has been my experience that the North Carolina Caring Dental Program is comprised of folks who are truly compassionate and caring.   It is a program of support, guidance and understanding.

– A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic