A Life Worth Living
I’ve been asked to share my story and journey to recovery and I didn’t hesitate to say yes , I appreciate the opportunity to share my reality, experience and hope.
My Grandparents were very close to me and I loved the excitement of a working farm with animals, ponds to fish in and acres to explore as far as you could see.
I remember during some very special, quiet, one on one times, my Grandmother told me to never take a first drink of alcohol – the alcoholic genes run in the family she said.
As a teen I was in a private school, active in my church, and believed in having a disciplined body mind and soul – WOW I had no idea of the addictive time bomb that was within me just waiting for the perfect storm to express itself.
I had not discovered the draw of alcohol even through college, through the death of my father in a car accident , or through the deaths of my Grandfather and Grandmother. But I did notice something about my character that was interesting. I did not express my emotions outwardly with the deaths of these very dear people in my life. I was an emotion stuffer. I might have even thought this was possibly a gift or strength and not the dangerous weakness that it truly is. My EGO had the illusion that I was in full control of my body mind and soul. This was another internal time bomb waiting to go off.
I went on to find and fall in love with my wife last year in college. We moved together after marriage to Dental school where she taught school while I got my degree. We were planning the God fearing and loving family which then came to pass after moving into my Dental Practice . All my decisions were with respect and love for God , family , and my calling of Dentistry according to HIS service – I thought to the best of my ability.
After 4 kids and what I thought was a well-structured life to provide a rewarding future for the family – I found that my wife was having an affair with a personal friend and was filed Divorce papers. The beautiful picture that I thought I had of our future together with close-nit family and kids was shattered into millions of pieces – and this is when the supercells of my genetic predisposition to alcohol and my character flows of EGO and stuffing started to coalesce into the perfect storm.
This is when the insidious alcohol entered with come empathizing friends who had me for dinner and offered wine to help relax me. I enjoyed the feeling and found myself visiting the liquor store which I had never done before this. The anesthetizing effects on weekends and when away from the kids – were irresistible. I thought my enemies were separation anxiety, the pain and the fear.
My EGO and nature to try to control even this was evident in how I tried to titrate the ounces , use a breathalyzer before driving and even started writing down when I drank and how much – when years after the Divorce was final I had girlfriends mention their concerns with my drinking. My illusions of being in control were ridiculous.
My DUI was what precipitated my call to NCCDP – realizing that I was not healing after my Divorce and I had a draw to alcohol that was getting worse month by month – year by year.
The NCCDP staff had to convince me that my problem was bad enough to step out of my practice for 3 months – and this was no easy task with my EGO and controlling nature.
I applaud the NCCDP staff for meeting me with the force and determination necessary to help me receive the tools that I have today to deal with LIFE and live it more fully.
I now feel and live more fully, and voice my true feeling instead of stuff them.
Let’s put it another way. I am eternally grateful to NCCDP and my Treatment Center staff for the RESCUE efforts made that led to my being reborn – and quite possibly saved my life.
And to God be the glory.
— A Grateful and Recovering Alcoholic —