National Suicide Prevention:
 Dial 988  •  988lifeline.org

No More Secrets

I was on my way home from drug treatment. I had my cell phone in my possession for the first time in a while. The phone rang. It was my ex sister-in-law, a relative with whom I had a drug relationship.  I answered.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“I am on my way home from rehab,” I told her.

“What in the world are you doing there?”

“Well, I’m clean and planning on staying that way.”

“Well you can’t just leave me out in the cold like that,” She said.

“I got no choice.”  We said good-bye.

I got home and my wife (who had been very supportive during all this) asked, “Have you heard from Dee?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Did you tell her that y’all can’t have any more dealings with each other? Have you heard from Cecil (a guy I bought drugs from)?” she asked.

“No,” I said truthfully. Then Dee called and my phone was not on silent. “I can’t talk right now,” I explained.

“Nor ever again,” my wife yelled… Melt down time!!

She was screaming, “How is this going to work if you are talking to the people who supplied you with the thing that got you in trouble?”

I had to remember my counselor saying, “No more secrets!! You have to do the right thing!”

How could I convince her I was sincere? My sponsor had told me, “It is hard to prove innocence!”   I needed to stay clean and sober and also to keep a serene household. I couldn’t live like this I told myself.

“I will turn off that cell phone right now and get a new cell with a new number!” I suggested.

This worked and has continued to work. I know that I don’t need secrets in my life and that I need to do what it takes to keep my life on track. Whatever it takes, I need to do!