Restoring Hope

I came into the CDP scared and completely broken. I had no idea what to expect or who to trust. In the beginning the tasks and responsibilities seemed insurmountable. I had weekly testing that could take 2-3 hours each time. I had a tremendous number amount of meetings and a lot of paperwork to fill out.

Remembering to check in each day was difficult for me. I had the constant fear that I was forgetting to do something. I had so many meetings to attend as well as trying to keep up with my practice and continuing to be part of my kids life as I was going through a separation with my wife. My therapists, PSV, Bill and Nancy continued to tell me it would get easier.

I broke it down and took the approach of I will do my best and somehow it will work out. I also looked at it as I had so much to do that I couldn’t get too bogged down on one aspect. Somehow that made me feel better.

Let go and let God. One day at a time. Just do the next right thing. All sayings we’ve heard, but ones that I had to learn to trust. Eventually, slowly, things started to calm down.

I started to come up with a system that would help. I put a reminder in my phone to help me remember to check in, I kept a small calendar with me to plan my meetings, and I asked a friend in the program for help. I also made every attempt to make the CDP caduceus zoom meetings on Thursdays, and to set aside time each day to pray.

As time went on I was able to manage my life better. I started to appreciate things that I had taken for granted. I realized the gift of sobriety and everything it had to offer me. Reaching out to ask for help became easier. Listening to others in the program and how they used different coping strategies allowed me to see that I could have a new and very rewarding life. My eyes started to open and I was able to see that this program was helping me develop into the person that I not only needed to be, but one that I wanted to be. I was once again feeling and experiencing life rather than trying to numb myself and hide.

As my first year with the CDP came to a close, I had some time to reflect. It was TOUGH! There is no denying that. Maybe that is part of the design. What I believe is that it was meant to lay the foundation for my recovery and to give me hope for what lies ahead. I might have felt overwhelmed in the beginning, but I am grateful for the guidance and reassurance the CDP has provided for me thus far. It has given me an optimistic outlook for the future.