The Importance of Gratitude

Looking back on my personal condition prior to starting my recovery journey, I realize what a difference gratitude has made in every facet of my life.  Prior to getting sober I was consumed by negativity, both in my personal and professional lives.  I only saw my self-worth in terms of what others thought of me, my accomplishments in the workplace, and what material possessions and wealth I had obtained.  No matter how hard I worked, however, I couldn’t appreciate what I had done.  Instead, I could only see where I had fallen short of my expectations.  I always wanted more, but no matter what I gained it couldn’t remove the feeling of inadequacy I felt at everything I tried to apply myself to.  Soon I was dreading going to work, dwelling on how I would inevitably fail at what was expected of me.  I had been drinking regularly since college, but at this point it became less of a means to relax and fit in and more of an escape from my presumed failures and shortcomings.  After a few years I found myself going through a divorce, drinking to excess daily, struggling financially, mired in toxic relationships, and feeling more worthless and incompetent than ever.  Once my legal and professional troubles led me to the Caring Dental Professionals, it only cemented in my mind that I was an abject failure at life.

Slowly but surely though, the path to recovery started to change how I perceived myself and everything around me.  I began to realize that I wasn’t just learning to live without drinking, but that I was learning how to deal with the fears, insecurities, and resentments that had sabotaged my happiness and well-being.  Through working the steps and confiding in others, I realized that I was not a failure or disappointment, but rather that my negativity and inability to see the good qualities inside myself were holding me back.  As I continued to work on my defects of character, I began to take note of all the things in my life that should be truly thankful for.  I started to truly appreciate the support of my friends and family, my continued employment despite personal issues, and my improved physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  My worries of what problems lurked my future started to be replaced with a knowledge and acceptance that no matter what lay in store for me, I would be able to overcome it as long as I continued to work on myself and find joy in the gifts of today.

Now that I have a renewed focus on my goals for living and what things are truly important to me, I’m able to appreciate the things I used to take for granted.  Instead of being weighed down by anger, guilt, and fear I can deal with adversity responsibly and in a timely manner, without having to resort to alcohol or other destructive behaviors to numb the pain.  Instead of dwelling on past mistakes I can see how those events have shaped me and what I can learn from the person I was back then.  Instead of seeing problem on the horizon, I see challenges that will make me a stronger and wiser person in the future.  Being able to find gratitude not just for the rewards of the present but in working through the struggles of the past and having the tools to work through anything that might arise in the future is a true indication of how far I’ve truly come.

-A Grateful Recovering Dental Hygienist